12 issues should be discussed before the wedding

Questions like “do you want children” and “will we have a joint budget” and so lie on the surface. What else needs to be discussed with the person with whom you are going to connect life?

1. How often do you need to be alone?

Ryan Haus, Psychologist

At the beginning of the relationship, partners usually want to be together all the time, but often this does not at all reflect their real need for solitude. When you just fell in love, you are easily ready to abandon the usual coffee and an interesting book on a Saturday morning, but if the raging hormones is a little calm down, you may again want to spend part of the weekend alone.

To avoid possible grievances, it is worth discussing in advance how often each of you wants to be alone or in the company of friends. Explain to the partner: the need for solitude does not mean that you reject it. It just helps you restore energy.

2. If you won a large sum, how would you spend them (a)?

Karl Pillemer, author of the book “30 Learning Lovers”

At the beginning of the relationship, partners almost never talk about money, but in the long run, financial issues can become a stumbling block.

If you are thrifty and prudent, you will most likely prefer to hear the answer “We will save this money for the first fee to a mortgage”, and not “go travel and have fun”. The question will help to understand how different your financial plans are and whether these differences will lead to the collapse of relations in the future.

3. What are you more afraid of – that you will be abandoned or “strangled with love”?

Explored Hirschman, sexologist

The question will help to understand what both of your attachment in the relationship, for example, anxious or avoiding. Having figured out this, you realize why you have different needs, and stop perceiving these differences as personal grievances.

4. How do you plan to help parents when they grow old?

Laura Heck, family psychotherapist

Today, many risk being “clamped” between elderly parents and young children, providing both of them. How you plan to support your aging parents? Will you keep them financially? Set in your small room? Or you will prefer that they live in a comfortable nursing home?

Many fateful decisions depend on the wishes – in which country you will live, how much a house or apartment will you buy, how you will dispose of funds and provide a pension. With regard to concern for elderly parents, many are not ready to compromise, so these plans should be discussed at the early stage of the relationship.

5. How do you prefer to resolve conflict situations?

Vicki Stark, psychotherapist

In many pairs, partners are differently approaching this issue. One wants to sort things out until a solution is found. The second at such moments is emotionally overloaded and not able to think – he needs to be alone and reflect on what is happening.

As a result, the first is offended that he is not given due attention, and the second cannot control his emotions. If the partners at the beginning of the relationship will understand what template they develop conflicts, they will be able to save themselves from a headache in the future.

6. You are ready to be true only to me?

Daniella Hare, co -author of the book “How to Return true Love”

It often seems to us that there is only one acceptable version of the relationship, but in fact there are a lot of them. If you are not interested in whether the partner is ready to adhere to monogamy in a relationship, then then it can turn into unpleasant surprises, heavy insults and broken vowns. If you want to hear an honest answer, try to ask this question without criticizing or condemning. Otherwise he or she is unlikely to decide to answer frankly.

7. What do you think treason?

Ryan Haus, Psychologist

No one wants to talk about it, especially if any problems are not brewing on the horizon. But still it is worthwhile to figure out what exactly everyone considers a violation of fidelity to each other.

Is it possible to correspond or communicate with other potential partners? Go with someone? Or in a bar? That will not cause anxiety? Is it possible to communicate with former partners? Having set the boundaries of the permissible from the very beginning, you will save yourself from many problems in the future.


Σε αντίθεση με το κρασί, δεν βελτιώνεται με την πάροδο του χρόνου. Το Sexico συνιστά το σεξ πιο συχνά. Πολλά ζευγάρια πιστεύουν ότι πρέπει να viagra τιμη για ευνοϊκές ημέρες, αλλά στην πραγματικότητα η ενημέρωση είναι πολύ πιο χρήσιμη. Επίσης, αν δεν είστε σίγουροι για όλους και εκατό, όταν υπάρχει ωορρηξία, είναι δυνατό να παραλείψετε την επιθυμητή περίοδο λόγω εξοικονόμησης.

. What role relatives will play in a relationship?

Ryan Haus, Psychologist

At the beginning of the relationship, we are eager to please the relatives of the partner, so we try to please and leave a good impression about ourselves. Usually we do not think about how much time and effort we will have to spend on communication with them in the future and what place they will occupy in our relationship.

Discuss how much time you and your partner plan to devote to relatives and how much they can influence your relationship. So you will understand in advance what to expect.

9. What will you do if I quarrel with one of your family members?

Aaron Anderson, family psychotherapist

Although you marry or marry a loved one, this does not mean that you will always get along with his relatives. It is important to know what a partner will do if you have a conflict with one of his family members.

It is important to understand how close relations he has with relatives, whether he is able to calmly treat the family and is ready to support you if a family quarrel breaks out. Compare your ideas about family values to understand how much they coincide.

10. That first – deeds or rest?

Vicki Stark, psychotherapist

In many pairs, conflicts often flare up about this. One will not relax until things are completed, and the other delayed household duties, but always finds time for entertainment. If you discuss this in advance, you can find a compromise. For example, alternate: one week to do everything as you like, and the other – as a partner prefers.

eleven. What do you see the purpose of life and what place is the partner in it?

Laura Heck, family psychotherapist

It is usually difficult for us to answer this question, but it is useful to reflect on this to pairs. At heart, we know the real goal and remember it, despite the everyday vanity. It motivates and inspires, fills with energy. When we manage to live in accordance with the purpose, everything goes smoothly and naturally.

In healthy relations, partners respect each other’s life goals and provide mutual support on the way to achieve them. And vice versa, if for the sake of relations you have to sacrifice a life mission, resentment and discontent will appear inside time. It is best to ask this question every year, but to reflect not about the global goal, but the purpose of this life stage.

12. What excites you in sex?

Explored Hirschman, sexologist

Often partners have been living together for years, never learning about the desires and sexual fantasies of each other. Do not wait until the desire begins to fade away before finding out what the partner actually wants in bed.

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